I have to pay bills. To book appointments. To make calls. To sort out my rates and strata. To grocery shop, to feed 7 pets, to do laundry, to keep the flat clean to wear the mask of a normal life
I am counting money. I am budgeting. I am refusing plans with friends because they all involve paying entry, and drinking which costs money so I stay home.
I figure I am paying for my mobile, internet connection and Foxtel; I may as well use them.
But I am wearing a mask, counting every penny, grateful that I have my family's financial support.
On days like these, I am thankful that I seem normal, seem average, seem able to handle my own finances and I am not desperately looking through a rubbish bin to find food. Making sure I don't become idle and don't give up; which seems like an easy option, but then what would I do with all my time?
It goes on and on. Not having money. Job hunting. Applying for jobs. Thinking of changes I need to make. Ensuring that this year I get my health in check. This means root canal and periodontist for my teeth, a specialist for my diabetes and someone for my head.
Then for the job; I am turning to studying at night. I so want to look towards my future bust still seem stuck.
I keep trying to find things to do which keep me sane. Reading. Budgeting and finding cheap lunches. Trying to write. Watching my fish. Spending time with my nieces. Doing social marketing. Occasionally volunteering. Reading the news.
And I keep hoping that this year is not going to be as hard as last year was.