Tuesday, January 19

What to do?

Do you ever get the feeling when you are watching a DVD or reading a book or even having a chat with someone and there are signs?

Well I do. Everything lately has seemed to revolve around what people want to do with their lives and studying further. Every book, every movie and a lot of people I have spoken to all talk about this, their lives, making a difference and becoming the people they want to be.

I only work one day a week at the moment, and I have a bit job which is really a bit job. I have over the past few years struggled with the right career and finding a full time job. I am considering studying. I hate being reliant on a schedule where I don't even know if I have a bit of money coming in from one week to the next.

I am also looking at my life. With friends. People who I tend to cancel on because I take extra hours or I job search all of Saturdays and I am wiped out.

I went to the doc yesterday to get blood tests, and I am thinking that I need to speak to someone who can assist me, advise me, because frankly I am scared.

I am scared that I will still be unemployed by mid year. I am scared that all the aspirations and desires for a life I want to have will never be. I am scared that I will lose the few friends I have left. That all my money goes towards bills and I am not saving a cent. That I cancel plans because even though I am in a great situation as far as money is concerned, I have bills to pay and don't really want to spend a cent if I can help it.

Every time, I get like this, watching a movie or reading a book doesn't help because coincidentally I choose things that mirror my own feelings and flaws.

Instead, I turn to the news, news blogs, articles and websites and look at people who would give anything to have one day of work a week. People who have lost everything, their homes, their way of life.

I read about stabbings, murders, malnutritioned children, theft, blind stupidity, shark attacks, terrible accidents and other people's pain to remind me that like many many affluent people in the world, I have spare coins. I have a roof over my head. I do not live in fear. I do not know any criminals and my life is not in danger.

So these movies and books help me think about what I want to do. And because they are sort of feel good, the characters change, they pursue their goals and find themselves. That's helpful.

I am trying to write a book, I am winning competitions; I am making great contacts on Twitter. I am looking at studying towards my career. And I job search every day.

What do you want to do with your life? What are you good at? What are your talents? What do you want?

Good questions and I want to find the answers.


  1. hey cuz,
    cool post..
    dont worry so much - a lot of us are still out there searching regardless of whether they are employed or not.

    I think there are 2 things that people want - happyness & time

    Yup once people have the career - then they want more time,
    more flexibility, shorter hours, so they can do what makes them happy

    like travelling, or surfing,

    Work life balance becomes more important, so dont think that a career is all and everything
    It only gets you more money, to hopefully buy yourself more time

    you are in a good position so be thankfull for that
    find another part time job that you work 2 days a week, and then enjoy that free time


  2. Dear sweet E, you are still the same!
    I still don't really know what I want or how to get it, I, along with many others are just muddling my way through, hoping at some stage to hit the jackpot! I know I want to design and create, I am pretty clueless about business, throw in a small child and the challenge of living in a foreign land and you have one big pot of muddled up Jo!

  3. It's lovely to hear someone talk about and share their fears so honestly. I hope you take heart in the fact that so many of us wonder the same things, regardless of our stage in life. Hang in there, it does get better.