Do you ever get the feeling when you are watching a DVD or reading a book or even having a chat with someone and there are signs?
Well I do. Everything lately has seemed to revolve around what people want to do with their lives and studying further. Every book, every movie and a lot of people I have spoken to all talk about this, their lives, making a difference and becoming the people they want to be.
I only work one day a week at the moment, and I have a bit job which is really a bit job. I have over the past few years struggled with the right career and finding a full time job. I am considering studying. I hate being reliant on a schedule where I don't even know if I have a bit of money coming in from one week to the next.
I am also looking at my life. With friends. People who I tend to cancel on because I take extra hours or I job search all of Saturdays and I am wiped out.
I went to the doc yesterday to get blood tests, and I am thinking that I need to speak to someone who can assist me, advise me, because frankly I am scared.
I am scared that I will still be unemployed by mid year. I am scared that all the aspirations and desires for a life I want to have will never be. I am scared that I will lose the few friends I have left. That all my money goes towards bills and I am not saving a cent. That I cancel plans because even though I am in a great situation as far as money is concerned, I have bills to pay and don't really want to spend a cent if I can help it.
Every time, I get like this, watching a movie or reading a book doesn't help because coincidentally I choose things that mirror my own feelings and flaws.
Instead, I turn to the news, news blogs, articles and websites and look at people who would give anything to have one day of work a week. People who have lost everything, their homes, their way of life.
I read about stabbings, murders, malnutritioned children, theft, blind stupidity, shark attacks, terrible accidents and other people's pain to remind me that like many many affluent people in the world, I have spare coins. I have a roof over my head. I do not live in fear. I do not know any criminals and my life is not in danger.
So these movies and books help me think about what I want to do. And because they are sort of feel good, the characters change, they pursue their goals and find themselves. That's helpful.
I am trying to write a book, I am winning competitions; I am making great contacts on Twitter. I am looking at studying towards my career. And I job search every day.
What do you want to do with your life? What are you good at? What are your talents? What do you want?
Good questions and I want to find the answers.