Tuesday, July 11

Being alone/lonely...

It seems to be a bit of a theme at the moment! Last night's Grey's Anatomy was all about being lonely or how people shouldn't die alone or how people just needed someone there regardless of the situation. Obviously in Grey's it led to mistakes, like people sleeping with someone out of loneliness and not recognising someone else's loneliness and obviously because it was TV it all sorted itself out somewhat!
At the wedding, because most people were partnered up, there were separate meals, starters and desserts, I presume so the couple could share each others' but when you're single, you kinda have to eat your own! Luckily for us, one of the guys left early, leaving his dessert for us two single girls to share! But the theme was togetherness and sharing and partnering up, which makes a single girl feel a bit contagious!Or just accentuated that I was single...
But the worst of it all was having a friend point out how alone and single I am now that she is in a couple and giving me bad advice to boot. It's like this fear of being alone, does drive people to make choices and also makes people want everyone to be connected! Sometimes this could be nice, wanting someone else to be happy, but what wasn't nice was recognising that I do feel lonely and alone and worsening it rather than supporting it!
So I googled this and of course got The Lonely Planet as my first hit which is inspiring because travel does open new experiences, so that's a sign and then looked at the rest of the hits:
not only are they expressing how depressing it is and trying to find ways of overcoming being lonely they also delve into the huge difference between being alone and being lonely.
Sometimes it is fantastic to be alone, beacause we all need that time to ourselves and to indulge, but I think it is the being lonely that kills, because it is not simply a matter (as my friend unkindly suggested) of just driving over to someone's house and getting a much needed hug. You're lonely because you don't have THAT with someone, that feeling that someone is there for you, watching your back, armed with hugs, or just near you. I certainly didn't want to think about who I could drive to if I needed a hug; I need to know that there is someone there for me at the ready!And if you are single, that is harder!
Sadly enough on this search I have found a term called lonelysingle - hello? Imagine walking around calling yourself that! and all the ways to overcome being one!
So the point of today's rant is that I am going to slow down a bit and maybe change things round a bit more! I promised myself that this year I will look at all the things in my life in and out that I needed to change and my realisation is this. I am allowed to feel lonely as long as I don't go under! I also need to exercise, so instead of going on this dating thing tonight - I am going to do a pilates class at home (sounds mad - I know!) and I am going to look at all the things that have made me completely busy over the past few months as well as really tired and look at the things which make me feel good rather than obligated!I don't have the energy to go on a dating dinner thing tonight but do have the energy to look after myself and my needs!
So I came in this morning and got a much needed hug from Rosie at the cafe up the road, as well as a coffee and toast with ricotta and I have started looking through a book called Minding Her Own Business - Gloria Meltzer who looks at 13 (my lucky number!) Australian business women and how they made a success of their businesses. It is full of their stories, hints and tips so that is what I am trying to focus on! Hemingway first, my business, family and friends (second although them order gets confusing!)) and then everything else I can squeeze in!


  1. We are definitely on the same wave length...I am busy being the lonelysingle and wallowing a bit. I think you have the right idea though so I really should emulate you and get up off my butt and do things!

  2. The one thing I want to tell ALL young women who are single is to relax. Society makes you feel as though you need alwyas to be paired up with someone and that if you're not, you're going to be lonely forever. What I've learned after ten years of marriage is that, yes, there are many wonderful things arout being married, but it also has its downsides. For instance, sometimes you really need that hug you mention, think you can get it from your partner, but HE'S way too preoccupied with some worry of his own and thinks yours is petty. And there are downsides to being single, but there are also many, many wonderful things about it. For instance, you can do anything you want anytime you want without checking to see what someone else's plans are.

    You've got the right attitude. Take care of yourself and feel good about yourself. Meanwhile, if you haven't already, read the book Kiss My Tiara by Susan Jane Gilman, the best book going to help keep a woman focused on what's TRULY important.

  3. Thank you both of you! It is mainly wonderful being single and just hard sometimes when the pressure is on to be healthy and successful and well groomed and balanced in life...