Tuesday, June 13

Is it Possible?

This year has been one of those years that I am slowly slowly becoming the woman I want to be. Since last year after I lost my battle with food and sadness and then regained and found a strength in me I never dreamed I had; things are getting better and better. My body looks great, I am eating well (not perfectly - never THAT obsessive) and even things that got me down in the past, seem like I can flick things off now!
But I find that I question things a lot more and that being 30 is great, I have a past and experience that I can base all my future decisions on and I have found strength, eating healthily, my own creative path and joy in tiny little things.
I was in the Hunter Valley with a really close friend this weekend and some friends of hers who we both know and it was one of the best experiences I could have had!
I feel respected and honoured and loved by my friends and I received something I haven't felt in a while. I wasn't judged or talked about or disliked and the weekend was comfortable and fun and warm and easy despite the fact that the man who stereotyped me (and continued to over the weekend) was there!
Despite feeling a little uncomfortable and a bit tense; we had the best time. We went to the wineries, went horseriding, had a BBQ, went grocery shopping, had discussions about everything, had group time and girly time and one on one time and it all just worked and was a pleasure.
I was judged and it was just by one person who again despite all that happened on Wednesday night, chose not to see me and instead saw what he wanted to see. But the people who loved me there and felt for me, saw through him. Is it possible to believe in yourself as much if not more than someone else believes in you and is it possible to then let go of people who don't believe in you? Or rather don't see you or want to see you but prefer nothing from you and thus dismiss you, are inattentive towards you and pretend you are not there!
My friends who believe in me believe that in this life, which technically we get once, we NEED to ask for and get what we believe we deserve to have! Whatever that may be and to give the message to others! So it is possible for me to say right now, I was proud of how I was over the weekend!
Yesterday was a public holiday (yay!) and am back at work today! Over the weekend I started reading Emergency Sex (excellent!) and also met another person who wrote a book while running accomodation (that's the second time this year!)
and today back at the shop I have been speaking to a fundraiser, a graphic designer and a girl who does marketing campaigns about the shop and donations for this shop!
I am also about to fix up the website which has been down for a while...
Today is the 13th so it's my lucky number and my lucky day! I am doing all that I want to do and becoming everything I want to be - slowly and with difficulty - the only way I believe I can change and get the things I want.
I want to congratulate my friend for finding what she wants and leaving the country to elope with a man and take all the risks and all the chances she can in this lifetime going!
Is it possible to dance like no one is watching, to sing like no one is listening, to live each day like it is your last? Probably not but the possibility and the reward is in trying!

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