Just like the weather is Sydney which is freezing cold one minute and hot and humid the next, my week has been one of complete uncertainty.
I am just not sure about anything. I feel very lost and I feel that in some ways I have fallen apart. In other ways I know that I am extremely lucky. In the past maybe 3 years I haven't been a good friend. I had the shop and learning how to be a business woman, followed by unemployment followed by a job which saps the life out of me.
I've spent the past 8 months of my life trying to find some time. I've wanted to see my friends more. I've wanted to go away more and to live a more balanced existence. But when I met with uncertainty I started to really look at how lucky I am. I mean really lucky.
I have parents who support me, two sisters who love me, savings, pets and friends. I have a roof over my head (probably one of the most commonly used sayings) and spare change in my pocket. I have enough clothes and stuff I have collected to open a small shop ... I have always been extremely lucky.
So when I had this bad week ... I had to put things in perspective.
America is in recession, people are killing their children and people are dying. There are 13 year old girls blowing themselves up in the name of Allah and cats being born with two faces. I read all the newspapers and all the blogs last week to give myself some perspective. I thought about all the people who don't have money to leave a job or who can't afford to moan about a job like I do.
Or about a family who someone has just died. Or a family whose alcoholic or drug addicted parent drains or the money. Or someone with a disease who cannot pay for their health care. Or there is someone out there who is so grateful that he/she is alive for whatever reason. Or hasn't died of AIDS yet or hasn't been shot walking down the road.
I am lucky. I am alive, safe, I have money and I complain. Yes I work long hours and really feel like I am not contributing to life. I feel that my life has no meaning. And I have a choice in that matter. I can live like this and complain about how I have no balance in my life and I am filling someone's pockets with money or I can go and find that balance and that worth in my life.
So ... with support of my friends and a bit of an eye opener this week, I realised that my job cannot be my life. Even though I am lucky that I have a job seeing that Australia is facing recession, I am working 4 nights over time a week and it is draining me. I don't earn enough. And I don't want to work late anymore.
With all the things that have been happening in the news this week and my search, my quest for value and meaning ... which I hope to contribute. One of my friends was talking about kindness to me and my other friend was talking about the little things ... it's really about being kind, doing little things for others and seizing the moments.
So now I have made a decision, I have had my eye opener.