Because it's the new year, I've really had to look at the past year.
I barely exercised, I was looking for work on a tight budget so I stopped socialising and I was very inactive in all areas of my life. I wasn't living just existing and going through day by day and honestly? I hated every minute of it.
So you can guess what my resolutions are this year. They all revolve around my getting a life. Exercising, eating healthier and socialising more.
I think having a casual job helps because I work a few days a week and I feel like I am contributing towards my finances and choices again.
Exercise, well frankly I hate it. I started recording work outs on Foxtel and I lasted 20 minutes this morning. I suppose i have to get back into exercise and get my body used to it slowly.
There has been a lot of talk about self image and bodies. Jennifer Hawkins who is the face of Myer posed naked on the cover of a magazine for the Butterfly Foundation. By naked they meant not airbrushed or retouched in any way so she was posing without enhancement. But I thought she looked professional, perfectly made up and perfect which to me doesn't say natural. It says perfect, a beautiful woman with a perfect body posing on the cover of a magazine. Frankly whether she was airbrushed or not, if I was still insecure about this kind of thing it would not promote positive body image to me.
I used to think that there was something wrong with me because every single women in magazines had flat stomachs, flawless skin, no blemishes and perfect skin tone. I didn't realise that most women have a bit of a stomach and don't look professionally made up with perfect hair, because posing for a magazine means that people are working at getting the image and background and model just right for selling/marketing a bikini, dress or perfume.
I am diabetic and I do not exercise, so I have a bit of a stomach, and flaws, uneven skin tone etc I didn't realise that I look like hundreds of other women, until I was well into my teens and started realising that it isn't possible to look like an image in a magazine in everyday life. We are human, natural and we have flaws.
Bianca Dye posed for Madison magazine and she looks like a natural, normal human being. I think she is promoting self awareness and a good self image for younger complexed woman because she does have a bit of a stomach, she isn't touched up, that is her body - and I think finally someone who is happy with the way she looks.
So this year for me is also about being real. And accepting who I am flaws and all. I wonder if I will even manage to keep one of them.
I have a pile of 10 books to read, 3 non fiction and 7 fiction. My aim is to read at least one non fiction a week and one fiction which I would have not really chosen to read. I want to improve everything I can this year.
And the rest? I will take things slow, try to exercise and eat properly, call friends and make plans, promote my own and others' positively, read more and perhaps start a year course in January so I can get the ideal job I am after.
So I am reading Love The One You're With and I love how Ellen is torn regarding her choices. I think it is the perfect book for this time of year because the start of a new year means reflecting and making goals for the next year. I certainly don't want to be in the same place last year, I want to move forward.
But what if you run into the man you thought you loved 8 years later, when you have married a man who is really good for you and you feel yourself at a standstill. Ellen is torn and reflecting and going over and analysing, it's like the perfect new year book for me.
I am off to work in a couple of hours so life starts this week.